And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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