i think i have two assholes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
