I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
