Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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