Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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