Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
