I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
