Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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