Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I still have a little drunk in my system
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
