My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
