so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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