it was like eating out sand paper
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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