butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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