I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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