Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
