I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
