i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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