Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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