All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
