He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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