With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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