the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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