woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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