Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
