Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
