sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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