That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
