Having a random hookup so left but love u
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
