ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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