sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
