Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize