I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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