My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
