I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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