you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
