I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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