I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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