You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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