I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
