I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
