I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So much rum. So many feels.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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