We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's blow job season.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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