Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
