god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
