i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
