The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
