Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
