walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
