I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
