Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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