Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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