I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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